


As Long As I'm Breathing, I'll Be There

by eafay70



Series: A Very Merry "Advent" Calendar [20]
Category: Football RPF
Genre: Arsenal FC, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-10 16:39:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8924410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eafay70/pseuds/eafay70
Summary: Whenever he sees a new cut on Jack's arm, Aaron would like nothing more than to go "crazy Welshman" all over his boyfriend's ex. But he knows it wouldn't help matters, so he just keeps reminding Jack that he loves him.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WinterSnow10](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterSnow10/gifts).



> You told me some time ago that you were considering writing a fic starring these two. I hope this encourages you to do so.
> 
> I'm gifting this work to my...erm...person-I-beta. (Someone please tell me the right word for person-I-beta!) Go read her fics! They're wonderful! (No, I'm not just saying that as a good beta.)
> 
> Join me in pretending that Jack isn't on loan, and that he doesn't have any tattoos.
> 
> **TW: descriptions of ongoing self-harm and self-hate**

The sun poked through the Arsenal-red curtains of Aaron's bedroom just enough to wake him up. He looked at the sleeping Englishman in his arms and, as was so often the case when Jack entered his thoughts, found himself wanting to sing his boyfriend's praises as loudly as his Welsh lungs would allow. Pulling Jack as close to his chest as possible, Aaron let his eyes wander up and down the lean body, frowning when he saw a fresh cut on Jack's arm, mixed in with older scars and bruises. Aaron was tempted to find Jack's phone and see what had upset him enough to self-harm again, but he decided against it. He didn't need to know what had upset Jack because he knew exactly who had upset Jack: "the scumbag."

"The scumbag" was Jack's ex. He had a name, of course, but Aaron had banished his name from the apartment as best he could. As far as Aaron was concerned, anyone capable of destroying someone else's self-esteem to the degree that Jack's self-esteem was still destroyed was unworthy of a name. It had taken months for Aaron to convince Jack that yes, he did want to date him because yes, Jack was worth it. And after that, it had taken even more months to convince Jack that no, self-harm wasn't worth it because no, Aaron didn't agree with "the scumbag." It now looked like more convincing would be needed.

Jack stirred awake and rolled over to face Aaron. "Hi."  
"Hi." Aaron smiled and whispered huskily, "No need to sound so surprised, cariad." He leaned forward and kissed Jack with as much passion and adoration as he could, but pulled back when he realized Jack wasn't returning the kiss. "Jack?"  
The Englishman sighed. "He called again."  
"I thought you -"  
"It still tells me when he calls, even though the number's blocked," explained Jack. "It was late, you were practically asleep."  
"And so you did it again." Jack nodded. "Just say the word and I'll go crazy Welshman on the scumbag."  
Jack frowned. "Wouldn't help."  
"I know." Aaron sighed. "I just wish I could do something."  
"Why bother?" Jack asked bitterly. "I'm just a waste of space. You're better off letting me be. Pain's the only thing I deserve - it's the only thing I know how to feel."  
"Stop that, Jack." Aaron took Jack's arm in his hand and rubbed his thumb over the newest cut. "You are worth so damn much. If something happened, if you did something to yourself...I'd never forgive myself. I love you more than I know how to handle, and every night I pray that you'll be here when I wake up because I couldn't go on without you. You need to remember that you're worthy of loving and of being loved, cariad. If I could take away the memories and thoughts that make you cut, I would, but I can't. All I can do is love you and hope that you remember, always, that I love you."  
Jack managed a very small smile. "I love you, too. I'm sorry for doing it again."  
"I forgive you." Aaron kissed Jack again, and this time Jack returned every last bit of passion, adoration, concern, and love that Aaron put into the kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> "EAFay is a beta?" I hear you ask. Yes! My speciality is typo-finding, which makes sense considering how much I love grammar, but I also check for style. Get in touch if you'd like my services!
> 
> Title comes from the song ["I'll Be Waiting"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xntxoEFsqfU) by Lenny Kravitz.


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